He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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