i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize