I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
