I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
