in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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