a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize