U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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