eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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