He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
porn star boner night. come get it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
