absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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