My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
