respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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