I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
