I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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