I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
