What did we do last night that was yellow?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize