see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
