at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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