if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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