Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize