So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
