So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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