my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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