I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
