I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize