My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize