So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
