Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
