Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
