I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize