those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I did not marry a roomba.
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