Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
