worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize