it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
