is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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