Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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