Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
