This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
