Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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