you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
