hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
no you cant smoke seaweed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
