I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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