he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
