I think my vagina is haunted
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ttyl tear gas
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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