New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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