Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize