the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
