We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize