you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
