I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
