Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize