i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
