Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
