Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
