i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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