worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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