atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
