tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
