did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
