ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
