All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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