mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
