OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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