I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
