true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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