Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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