Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
