I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
