you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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