Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
