Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
