I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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