i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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