Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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