So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
