just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
