i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
