She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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