M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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