sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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