god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize