You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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