you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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