I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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