I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
