dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
