2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
