omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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