Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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