you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize