Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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