i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
