so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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