i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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