do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
