Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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