I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
