I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
