I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize