You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Found your dick twin last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
