Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
