Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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