There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The beer is more important than you right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
