I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
