the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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