What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
