it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Damn victory sex feels great
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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