I cockslap morals
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
