he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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