I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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