I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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